I'm not upset about anyone wanting their name changed--I had to remake this list here in Vancouver because all the copies I brought with me went to Jared, Jensen and the crew and I foolishly didn't save it on my laptop before I left home. But because I can't get it to post properly to twitter, LJ or tumblr editing is difficult. I'm just going to wait until I'm home and (hopefully) do it right.
To the Supernatural Crew,
Yours is the invisible craft. Each week we bear witness to the magic you shape from light, shadow, steel, and fabric. And we are blessed to be such witnesses. So much of the time you disappear into the story, but know that we see you. We know you are there and we are so very grateful that you are there. The writers may bring plot. The cast may bring voice. But you, you bring life. You are the sense and the sound and the other million nuances that dance around and within the screen. Yours is the gift that lingers with us long after the credits roll.
For this gift, we offer you these glasses as gift and acknowledgment. Toast yourselves as we toast you.
To our magical magicians, we wish you many years of continued success. And we thank you for the light, for the sound, for the brick and the mortar, for the cloth and shield. For the world you give us, we can never repay.
Thank you. They are simple words but they are most heartfelt.
With love, respect, and admiration.
Dear Jared and Jensen,
Stella Adler once said that talent lies in choice. And as always, we thank you for choosing to play Sam and Dean Winchester. Your choice all those years ago has brought so many, so much. When you are older and this show is far behind you, know that these past nine years you have, every day, given a gift to your fans. Your choice, your talent, has created communities, forged friendships, buoyed spirits, and yes, saved lives. Something about what you do brings us a rare joy, one not shared by any other show. Each success is our success. All of us, those whom you see and those whom you may never see, have a Supernatural story, a story inspired by your talent. And so any gift we give you will always be small in comparison.
But here we are, offering to you a token of our loyalty, our respect, and our love.
May you give us many more years of Sam and Dean.
Carry on and carry forth.With love.
Yesterday was J2 day at Vancon 2014! J2 day is always my favorite day, but this time around was even more special than usual, because some friends and I, with the help of quite a few other fans, had put together something special for the cast and crew as well as Jared and Jensen.
About six weeks ago, some friends and I decided we wanted to do something nice to commemorate the 200th ep and 10 seasons of Supernatural. We thought about sending a cake to the office, but decided that something permanent would make a better gift. We finally settled on shot glasses, and began contacting friends and fans who we thought would like to contribute.
We asked everyone to keep their donations quiet, so that the gift could be a surprise, and instead of a public announcement let the news spread by word of mouth. Within a few days, we'd raised a somewhat astonishing amount of money, and it just kept coming in. By the end of the first week, we had more than enough for our shot glasses, and decided to expand our gift to include Jared and Jensen. It didn't take long to discover that an engraved bottle of Johnny Walker Blue would fit into our budget--and would be a great tribute to the dearly departed Rufus Turner (still missed by many of us).
A very talented artist created a great design for us to use on the glasses, and it wasn't long before we were able to get the ball rolling. And while we were working on finding a company to create the glasses, and working out what we wanted engraved on the bottle of JWB, fans continued to hear about the project and donate. It wasn't long before we were able to afford a second bottle (one for each of the Js:), and not long after that we had enough for a gift for the writers as well. After that...well, the Supernatural fandom supports many charities, and we quickly decided that St. Jude's Hospital and The Down Syndrome Guild of Dallas would get any overflow.
In the end, fans donated approximately $1700 for this project. We broke it down like this:
~$500 for the shot glasses and shipping
~$550 for two engraved bottles of Johnny Walker Blue for Jared and Jensen
~$150 for 4 bottles of Canadian Club so that the crew could toast the 200th ep in their new shot glasses
~$100 to send a set of glasses and a bottle of Johnny Walker Black to the writers in LA
And finally, $400 for charity. We initially donated $100 to St. Jude's Hospital and $100 to the DSGD, and as fans continued to donate, decided to send any new funds to the DSGD since fandom is actively raising money to support Team Levi.
As Vancon got closer and closer, everything started coming together. The glasses arrived in Canada safe and sound, and there was a slight issue with the Johnny Walker Blue that was luckily worked out quickly. I compiled a list of all the wonderful fans who donated and made sure all their twitter handles were matched up so that a list could be included both with the glasses going to set and with each of the bottles of JWB.
And finally....Vancon. Before the con started, the four of us who helped plan the event who were attending (me, @kellsbellsTFW, @candygramme (Sue) and @ristispeaks) decided to wait until Saturday to approach Creation about giving the bottles of JWB to Jared and Jensen. We already knew how we were getting the shot glasses to the office, but we were hoping Creation would allow us to present the Js with their bottles during one of their panels so that everyone who contributed could see and we could possibly even ask fans who donated to stand and be acknowledged. Unfortunately, Creation no longer allows that sort of presentation. We quickly regrouped and Risti and I agreed to give up one each of our J2 photo ops so that we could all be together. Chris (Creation's photographer) had no problem with giving us a few moments at the end of the session, and we were all set except for the excruciatingly nervewracking wait.
When the time came for our final photo op, Risti and Sue each took a bottle and Kel took the two shot glasses. Somehow, I managed to speak coherently enough to tell the Jared and Jensen that in honor of the 200th ep and reaching 10 seasons of Supernatural, a large group of fans had gotten together to buy the crew a gift of 300 shot glasses (kel gave them the two we'd kept out for them) and Jared yelled NO WAY! FUCK OFF! for the first time. I got out that so many people donated that we had enough for a gift for them as well, and it sort of disintegrated into chaos for a bit. They were both very impressed and appreciative of the JWB (and Linda--they both remembered it was Rufus' favorite!). They especially liked the engraving: Jensen N Jared 10 YEARS OF SUPERNATURAL. (We'd originally planned on one bottle, and the engraving only allowed for 15 chars per line). After that settled a bit, I was able to tell them we'd also gotten a gift for the writers (NO WAY!), AND had $400 left to give to charity. (FUCK OFF!)
Things got a bit hectic again for a few moments after that. However, I did manage to tell both Jared and Jensen how much we all appreciate their hard work, and that Sam and Dean simply wouldn't be the same without them. That they made the characters who they were, and they are the reason we love Sam and Dean and Supernatural so much.
Both Jared and Jensen thanked us repeatedly, and told us how much the appreciated the effort we all put into doing this. I made a point to let them know before Chris took our picture that each bottle had a letter and a list of every fan who helped make this gift and the crew's gift possible. It was a wonderful experience to be able to tell them how much they mean not only to us but to all of fandom, and to let them know that so many people wanted to do something nice for them.
Thank you again to everyone who helped make this possible. We all appreciate so much that you were willing to donate to this project.
kelios, kellsbellsTFW, ristispeaks, candygramme, dmfny, setinreality, mais_fica, nottheribbons
http://kelios.livejournal.com/74065.html Letters to the crew and Jared and Jensen
http://kelios.livejournal.com/73745.html Pictures of the JWB and shot glasses.
I only had a couple of photo ops—I bought one with Tahmoh after his VIP panel because he was so interesting, and I bought a J2Mark to share with a friend. Other than that I only had J2 this time around.
My first op was with Jensen, who gave me a big smile and for some reason it fried my brain and I freaked out about hugging him which I thought I’d gotten over *facepalm* Then after the picture he stopped me to read my shirt out loud and gave me another HUGE smile and said Thank you :)
Next I had my duo op. (We got to watch Jensen being silly for a bit before Jared arrived—dancing and goofing off a bit before becoming totally engrossed in his phone for like five minutes) Jared gave me a big smile and held me back from the photo for a moment to read my t-shirt (that got me an awesome, love it and a wink) before we did the photo. I swear I was trying to stand between them equally but Jared is like a magnet or something, I always end up leaning against him and this time he pulled me in so hard I look like I’m about to fall over lol In Dallas I swear I’m going to stand next to Jensen. I SWEAR.
Next was my photo with Jared. He gave me a hug and we took our photo but he stopped me when I went to leave and said “Okay I have to ask—what does OTP mean??”
So I told him it means One True Pair, and in this context it means that I really love Sam and Dean and their relationship. He practically blinded me with his smile and said YEAH ME TOO. This also gave me the chance to tell him how much I love the way he and Jensen play Sam and Dean, and that I honestly didn't think anyone else could have done as well. He said that means a lot to them, that they really appreciate hearing things like that. He also waved off the Creation volunteers who wanted to make me move, which was amusing. (I know they were just doing their job, but still--it was nice that he wanted to let me finish.)
I did have another J2 photo op later that was very involved, but for the purpose of this report, I’ll just say that at the end of the photo op Jensen pulled me aside and asked me “Okay, what does OTP mean??” I gave him the same answer I gave Jared, and I added that I love that Sam and Dean are soulmates and their relationship makes me very happy. Jensen gave me a big, big smile and said That’s really great, we do too, and hugged me again, which was….very nice. Very, very nice.
Lots more wonderful, wonderful things happened this weekend, but those are some of the good ones.
@kelios @Kyline Yep.please: continue to take few hate tweet as the destiel fan voice. For one hate or stupid or unrrspectful comment, I've1)
@kelios @Kyline dozens of dozens peaceful tweets/comments, and so many hurt and silent people. But you don't care about them, You have 2)
@kelios @Kyline your campaign against some trolls, no? 3)
I'm going to be both blunt and to the point (yes, oxymoron, I know). I'm going to say the same thing I say to christians when they complain that they are being judged based on the words and actions of fundies: If you don't want someone to speak for you, don't let them. Don't let the asshole standing on the table yelling be the loudest person in the room. You have the right to speak up for yourself; use it. If you sit in the corner whispering 'that's not me, that's not me' don't be surprised if I can't hear you and continue to judge your fandom based on the loudest voices.
If you have a different message, put it out there. Don't sit in the corner being silent and hurt. How am I supposed to know what you're thinking if you do that? If you object to something someone in your fandom is saying, make it known. To use specific examples, if someone is tweeting the writers abuse about Jared and Jensen, don't just shake your head and move on. Tweet back and say that you appreciate that the guys were honest and upfront and you wish everyone would be. If you see someone planning a boycott, speak up and say it's a bad idea to hurt the show we're all supposed to love.
But don't expect other people to seek out your opinions. That's not the way it works. Stand up for yourself, make your views heard, and do what's right.
I find it incredibly insulting to both Jared and Jensen every time someone claims they don't know their characters and should have no say in the storylines. You're wrong. About a lot of things in this article, but more than anything else you are wrong about that. Jared and Jensen have been playing Sam and Dean for 9 years. They know these characters better than anyone else. Meta writers on the internet? Please. These are people who are writing their OPINIONS. They are writing their interpretations. And those interpretations are NOT more valid than those of the people who bring these characters to life. To claim that they are is ridiculous--there are as many opinions as there are meta writers, and they can't possibly all be right.
It's not the show's fault that some people were blinded by their desire to see destiel become canon. And refusing to make destiel canon is NOT the same as stating ANY same sex relationship would 'ruin the show'. Jared was referring ONLY to destiel, and he did so because that ship does NOT fit the character of Dean in the slightest.
Supernatural has given fans a LGBTQ character, and destiel fans in general weren't interested because it wasn't Dean. If destiel fans want to be taken seriously as fans who want representation, they should work with what they are given, and campaign for more characters like Charlie. The cast and crew of Supernatural are NOT bad people; they are not homophobic, despite claims by some destiel fans. But--understandably--they don't respond well to demands and bullying, which seems to be the forte of much of the online destiel fandom. If you want real representation, if you are serious about wanting to make the world better for the LGBTQ community through TV shows, then be mature. Ask nicely. Many, many fans would love to see LGBTQ representation that doesn't involve changing a character who has identified as canonically straight for 9 years into someone who is bi or gay just to suit fans. That doesn't help anyone's cause.
That has made the last two seasons incredibly hard to bear. Sam's horrible, OOC behavior in the beginning of S8 and S9 (admittedly with reason in S9, but still taken way too far) just hurt in a way that nothing else in the show ever really has. I need to SEE that Sam loves Dean, I need to feel it, not just accept it intellectually, and it's been far too long since I could truly do that.
Now I just have to hope and pray that F.U. Carver doesn't fuck things up even worse next season.
Dean stares at him blankly, then smiles. The blood around his mouth smears a little, and Dean laughs a little wildly. "Why not, Sam? Maybe we should let them see who I really am!" His voice rises hysterically on the last words, almost a shout, and Sam can see the terror in his brother's eyes, his fear and absolute belief that this might actually be who he is.
"No," Sam says firmly. His shirt is mostly clean, and he pulls it off, wiping the worst of the blood from Dean's face. Dean closes his eyes and lets him, and Sam pretends not to see the tear that slips out. Sam cleans Dean's hand next, though it's impossible to get the blood out of the creases in Dean's knuckles and fingernails.
When he's done, Sam tosses aside his ruined shirt then pulls Dean's shirt over his head, trying not to get any more blood on his face. "Should have done this first," he says ruefully when he fails, then gently rubs away the smudge on Dean's cheek.
Dean smiles, ghostly, barely there, and his voice cracks when he deadpans "You know, Sammy, if you just wanted to get my clothes off..."
"You know me so well," Sam says, rolling his eyes and smirking just a little. Dean's answering smile is a little wider, a little more himself, and Sam can't help himself. His mouth finds Dean's, perfect like it always is, and he feels his brother go still.
"I still want this, Dean," Sam says when he pulls back, his voice a little ragged. "I still want you. I still love you. There's nothing you can do to change that." He kisses Dean again, and this time Dean opens up, welcomes him almost desperately. He tastes familiar, like copper and iron, but Sam doesn't care. He licks away the taste of blood until all that's left is Dean, until they are both gasping and hard.
Dean pulls back first, hands still tangled in Sam's hair, foreheads pressed together. "Sam," he says, voice broken and rough, "Sam, Sammy, I--" Sam can feel him shaking, need and shock and want running through him all at once.
"Shh," Sam whispers. He steps back, back, back, pulling Dean with him, until he hits the wall. Dean presses against him, mouth dragging hot and open along Sam's throat has Sam fumbles to get Dean's belt and jeans open. Dean bites down, hard enough to leave a mark and Sam shudders, head falling back against the wall with a thud.
"Jesus, Dean," he gasps, and completely loses his train of thought when Dean shoves his leg between Sam's thighs, firm against his cock, and fuck that feels good. Dean ruts against him almost desperately, and it's painful to push him back a step. "Wait, wait," Sam says, and yanks his own jeans open, shoving them down just far enough that Dean can wrap his hand around them both. He kisses Dean, hard and fast, lacing their fingers together and squeezing, urging his brother on. Dean pulls back just far enough lick a hot, wet stripe up Sam's chest, sinking his teeth into the still-tender skin of his new tattoo and that's it. Sam comes with a shout, arching into Dean's mouth and his hand. He can hear Dean whispering yeah, Sammy, just like that, come on as he licks and bites his way back to Sam's mouth and pushes inside, no finesse, just need. Sam drags him close, like they could share a skin if Sam just tried hard enough, not even air left between them as Dean shudders and comes hot and sticky across Sam's chest.
They stay like that for a few moments, unable--unwilling--to move apart, until Dean sighs and takes a step back. They both eye the cooling mess between them, but it's Dean who says, completely serious, "I think we're out of shirts." Sam stares a him, uncomprehending, for a moment, before they both break into laughter.
"I never thought we'd have to worry about that," Dean says when they can breath again. He's smiling, a real smile if not as bright as Sam could wish. But there's hope in his eyes again, and faith and love, and that's all Sam needs to be happy.
Sam pales. He'd called Castiel hoping the angel would have some insight into how to save Dean. Castiel had proved useful in the past, and he was Sam's last hope other than Crowley, who was clearly not an option.
He hadn't expected Castiel to turn his back on Dean completely.
"So you won't help us?" Sam asks. He's relieved his voice is steady, although he'd beg and cry if he thought it would sway the angel.
Castiel's expression twists into a harsh mask of disgust. "He was meant to be heaven's warrior, and now instead he has chosen to wallow in filth," the angel says contemptuously. "I will not help. If you call me again, I will rid the world of both Winchester abominations."
"Don't mind him, Sammy," Dean says, darkly amused. "He's just pissed Luci got in when Michael couldn't." Dean pushes his face into Sam's neck and presses an open mouthed kiss below his ear, one arm going around Sam's waist. "Come on. We've got better things to do than argue with this sanctimonious dick with wings."
"Do not call me again, Sam," the angel warns, then disappears.
"Don't worry, asshole," Sam mutters under his breath. "Calling you is the last thing I want to do."
"Aww don't fret, Sammy," Dean says cheerfully. "We're gonna be just fine."
It's not rational. Deep down, Dean knows that. But he can't help it. The longer Sam's weird sideburns have gotten, the worse his condition has gotten, and Dean has been trained practically since birth to believe there are NO coincidences.
But he's not actually crazy, so he waits. He spends his days by Sam's side, talking to him quietly, reading to him. Sometimes, when he knows the nurses are at the other end of the ward he strokes Sam's hair, running his fingers through it the way he hardly ever did before but always wanted to. Once, tears in his voice, he even threatens to bring in a pair of scissors.
But Sam never stirs. Never sighs. Never laughs, never groans, never opens his goddamn eyes, no matter how much Dean prays and begs and jokes and lays his soul bare and after awhile Dean can't quite get the idea out of his mind. He tells himself he's being ridiculous, and that it will never work and that surely even he isn't that desperate. And he starts to plan.
He starts by laying on the charm, thick--because even tho the hospital staff is sympathetic and caring, Dean thinks they might draw the line at holy water and a solid silver shaving razor engraved with runes and sigils.
He gets the razor from John's storage locker. He lays in a supply of holy water. He orders shaving foam infused with purifying herbs. He uses invisible ink from a shabby magic shop two towns over to ward every nook and cranny of Sam's room. He worries about how to convince the nurses to let him shave Sam, but in the end that's the easiest part, since all the nurses think he and Sam are 'adorable'.
Finally, after two weeks of scrounging and gathering and researching banishing spells he's ready. He waves to the nurses as he walks past the station and breathes a deep sigh of relief when he finally closes the door to Sam's room behind him. Dean unpacks quickly, efficiently--holy water into an iron basin, razor laid out, shaving foam whisked to a fine froth.
He intones a blessing as he carefully spreads a thick later of foam over the lower half of Sam's face and his sideburns. While it sets, he smooths out the carefully typed banishing spell, reviewing the pronunciation--and then it's time. He picks up the blessed and warded razor with a hand that, thankfully, doesn't shake. He lays it carefully against his brother's skin and draws it smoothly up and over the curve of Sam's cheek. At the same time be begins the incantation, voice ringing out quietly but firmly as he does so.
Oh, the purified foam disappears. The holy water grows cloudy, and the planes of Sam's face show even more sharply as the blurring fuzz of hair is scraped away. But Sam's breath doesn't hitch and speed up. His eyes don't flutter under the long lashes still casting shadows on his cheeks. His pulse remains slow and steady as Dean scrapes over it carefully, aware that the slightest slip could still it forever.
Dean starts the incantation again, a fine tremble working its way into his voice. His vision blurs just a bit, and when be blinks the mist away he sees a fine thin line of red snaking its way down Sam's throat.
"I'm sorry, Sammy," he says, voice breaking on his brother's name. "I'm so sorry."
Dean doesn't start the incantation again. He scrapes away that last bit of foam and wipes away the residue. He carefully evens up Sam's newly shortened sideburns and ignores the faint pinkish tinge in the water basin. He packs up everything he can and sits down next to the bed, picks up the book he was reading to Sam and begins reading, even tho he can barely make out the words. His voice voice thins and starts to crack eventually, but he doesn't stop. He doesn't know how.
Dean wakes up slowly, slumped over the side of Sam's bed. Someone is petting him, carefully smoothing his hair over and over and his grief fogged brain takes a moment to make sense of what's happening. He shifts slightly and the movement stills, a warm hand coming to rest in the back of his neck.
It's weak, and hoarse, and full of tears, and Dean has never heard anything more beautiful in his life.
"What? When?" Jensen's voice is clipped and terse but Jared can hear an undercurrent of excitement that spikes his curiousity. Jared puts down his own controller and listens, handing Jensen pen and paper when he gestures. He's surprised and a little worried to see his hand shake as he writes down an address.
Jared is bursting with excitement and curiosity when Jensen finally puts down the phone and scrubs a hand over his mouth. He looks over at Jared dazedly and a huge smile slowly makes it's way across his face. "That was the NSPA," he says, watching Jared's reaction closely. "They want to meet with us, today."
Jared stares, shocked, for all of two seconds before he launches himself at Jensen, sweeping him up in a bearhug as he peppers kisses all over his face. The NSPA--National Shifter Placement Association--is a non-profit organization that specializes in bringing together shifter families. The waiting list is very long, but maybe--possibly--their chance has come. Jared doesn't even realize he's crying til Jensen gently wipes away the tears on his cheeks. Jensen's eyes are suspiciously bright, too, but Jared pretends not to notice, just kisses him one more time and puts him down.
"I'm gonna call Steven," he says, pulling out his phone and calling up the number for their attorney. "You better go break the bad news to Phil."
Jensen groans. "One more day and we would have been home free," he says with a sigh, but he can't hide his happiness, not from Jared. This ep has been plagued with delays already and tempers are short, but this is the chance of a lifetime and neither of them doubt the crew will be happy for them. "Wish me luck," he calls over his shoulder as he flings open the door.
Jared is just finishing up with their attorney when Jensen steps back into the trailer. He paces as Jared says goodbye, then grabs his hand and practically drags him to the door. Their driver, John, has one of their big black SUVs already running right outside, waiting for them.
"Alright, spill," Jared demands a little breathlessly after Jensen pushes him in and climbs in himself.
"I feel like a kidnap victim," he adds, laughing. He tangles his fingers with Jensen's and gives him the 'puppy eyes' that always work so well on Dean. Jensen gives his hand a squeeze and pulls in a deep breath.
"The doc didn't say much. The mother is packless, outcast when she became pregnant against her parents' wishes. So there's no family to step in and contest the adoption. There were three pups originally, but one wasn't strong enough to make it without pack support." Jensen pauses, mouth turned down, and Jared knows he's thinking about his own family, about how much it hurts to be cast out. He doesn't talk about it much, but Jared is always awed the incredible strength of will that kept Jensen going for nearly 10 years on his own.
Their quiet conversation is interrupted when John stops in front of their apartment building. They both climb out, and Jensen speaks briefly to John through the open window, shaking his head and offering his hand. A quick wave, and John headed back to the way they came, presumably to set.
"How long are we staying?" Jared asked as they waited impatiently for the elevator. He was already laying out supplies and clothing for a week at least, mind racing ahead to everything they would need, everyone they would need to call. Jensen slid an arm around his waist, pulling him close to plant a soft kiss on his temple.
"I think you should leave the packing to me," he said, and Jared could feel his smile. "If your momma hears about this second hand, or finds out she missed even one day more than she had to with her future grandkids, I won't be able to protect you."
The way Jensen smashes the elevator button is a pretty good hint too.
Jared waits til the doors slide smoothly closed before speaking. "Jensen--"
"Don't, Jared," Jensen grates out. "It's not okay, don't try to tell me it is."
They fall silent, then Jared leans forward to hit the stop button. He shifts to stand behind Jensen, arms around him so that he can nuzzle under Jensen's ear, that one spot that always makes him relax and go boneless in Jared's arms. Jensen stiffens even further, instinctive resistance briefly kicking in, then cranes his neck back so that Jared can gently suck a sigh right out of him.
It hadn't been easy to get him to that point--it goes against every instinct an alpha has to bare their neck or let a beta take care of them. But they had both learned a lot in 8 years, and Jared loves that he can do this for Jensen. Jared smiles as he feels the anger and tension drain away, but he doesn't let Jensen go right away--he wants to savor this feeling as long as he can.
Finally Jensen sighs and leans forward to hit the button again, sending them on their way to the lobby again. Jared watches him carefully, but doesn't speak--their relationship is far more equal than most, but Jared knows that Jensen's urge to protect him has never lessened. Sometimes it takes him awhile to work through a perceived threat and talk to Jared about it. It's a little frustrating at times, but Jared has learned it's worth waiting for.
Jensen doesn't speak til they get to the car, and Jared is starting to wonder if maybe there's more to this than a meeting about the show. They get in silently, but Jensen doesn't start the engine.
"You're right," he says finally. He rubs the back of his neck, fingers lingering briefly on the faint bruise under his ear. "We'll get through this, just like we always do. I don't have to like it, though."
"I don't like it much either," Jared says ruefully. "It's Sam who's gonna get ripped apart by the fans. But I think it'll work out in the end--and, this meeting is just a battle, not the war."
That gets a smile out of Jensen, like Jared knew it would. "You got that right," he says, a fierce edge to his grin. He tangles a hand in Jared's hair, pulling him in for a hot, possessive kiss that leaves them both wanting more.
There is so much hope in the early seasons. Supernatural has always been dark and relatively bleak, but the hope in Sam's voice when he says "I gotta find Dad" is heartbreaking. And Dean...he believes he'll be able to keep Sam safe even tho part of him also believes he'll fail because that's the way he's built. Sam believes they'll save Dean from Hell, they believe they can protect the seals, they believe they can stop Lucifer.
Now...now every season, every episode just feels like despair. They are going through the motions. They can't settle down, because TGDAs and demons won't let them. They can't save people and hunt things, because TGDAs and demons won't let them. They can't even DIE because if they do, TGDAS (heaven) and demons (hell) will be waiting with malicious glee to tear them apart when they arrive.
(BTW, this is another reason I don't like 9.01. Sam KNOWS that they are on heaven's shitlist, yet he wants to die and make sure Dean can't bring him back? I mean, what? Does he miss the Cage or something? Such bad writing and plotting.)
I can't imagine how they get up and keep moving every day, except fear of what will happen if they don't--and each other. They must be so bonecrushingly tired, mentally and physically. My heart aches for them, every episode. And now the show wants to take the one good thing they have (each other) away from them. It breaks my heart, and not in the good way.
I found this drabble when I was sorting through some old files--I wrote it for a comment fic meme ages ago. It's set in S7, after Dean shows Sam that pain makes the hallucinations go away, at least briefly. The prompt was bathing in holy water.
Characters: Sam Winchester
Warnings: self harm, insanity
Prompt: Any, bathing in holy water
Length 415 words
ETA: This story is about the private charity concert put on by Pearl Jam in LA that Jared and Jensen attended with Danneel, Genevieve and Jeff. It was at a private residence to raise funds and awareness for Epidermolysis Bullosa.
Jared was soooo embarrassed while telling us this story. He was laughing and blushing and kept putting his head down on the table to hide his face. I'm honestly surprised he told us, but it's clear he understands the fangirl mentality lol I feel much less embarrassed about any of the stupid things I've done around him and Jensen now.
So at some point during the evening, Eddie was talking to a couple of celebs off to the side. I recognized the names but I can't remember argh. I'll try and get in touch with my friend who was there as well and see if she remembers. These were people substantially higher on the Hollywood foodchain than Jared and Jensen tho.
Anyway. The three of them were talking and Eddie was smoking. Jared was completely wasted and so thinks it's a good idea to approach them and says to Eddie Hey, is that a real cigarette? (lmao)
Eddie gives him a look and says yes, at which point Jared asks for a drag even tho he's never smoked before. Eddie hands it over and Jared takes a hit and manages not to choke on it. Then he says Thanks and offers it back to Eddie who's like Uh no, that's okay man you keep it.
At that point Jared's brother comes to his rescue and drags him off. Jared said he didn't sober up for about three days (obvious exaggeration but that must have been too funny). He also jokingly lamented not knowing what happened to the cigarette lol
Obviously Jared tells the story better than I do, but it was seriously adorable. I wish you all could have seen it!
Also, please don't expect anything great. I'm not much of a writer.
You knew all along
please just let me say goodbye.
It's not you, it's me
I know you want to leave
But I'm begging you to stay
Just give me a chance
No me without you
It will always come to this
Please don't hate me now