This was posted on my email list in response to another post that I put at the bottom in blue for context. I didn't write it, though I wish I had, 'cause it sums up pretty much everything I've been feeling about Sam and Dean's relationship this season.
The actual author was Kamelion, an amazing and thoughtful writer whose every word I envy lol.
Thanks Kam!
I disagree with all of this. Why does Sam have to be "handled properly"? Is he breakable? Is he china in a shop? Can he not make his own choices, he has to be "handled"?
Of course Dean knew Sam would bring him back. And towards the end, he was just as balls in as Sam trying to find a way out of the deal, probably because he *did* realize the toll it would have on Sam. Sam had left once, he probably really did think that Sam would get over it and pursue his own life. Because other than needing looking after, what has he done for Dean to really show equal concern? That didn't start until after the deal was made, and it visibly stunned Dean every time he heard it. As the season went on, he realized it more and more. Before that he probably had little reason to think he was worth anything, hence handing his life over to someone that was.
Once Dean was in hell, I really think Sam getting him out was the last thing on his mind. It was a sacrifice for his brother that went wrong, sure, but it was still a sacrifice made out of love, and not only that, but because it was a part of the "big plan". After hell? Well, uh -- it's been said repeatedly that he hasn't "come back whole". It's been said by Sam many times that he's weak. Is he supposed to just pop back and start protecting his brother again, just like that? I think not. As it is, for someone who spent the equivalant of 40 years in hell he's doing damn good. The writers really dropped the ball on that one. PTSD my ass.
What understanding is Dean supposed to have when Sam's been lying to him for the better part of a year? He's supposed to pat him on the back and say "it's okay little brother"? No. He's angry, and he shows it just like a guy would. Like Dean would. He punches him. Saying Dean would act violently first and ask questions later is a crock. He's put up with loads of secrecy, not to mention a broken promise that to all intents and purposes was made on Dean's death bed, and "letting it slide" before this. At this point, Sam was well due for a punch or two. He wasn't acting like a caring brother, either. He was being selfish. He still is. This blood thing isn't just about killing Lilith. It's also about being better than Dean. He's loving it. He's admitted it. He harps on how weak Dean is, and how strong he himself is becoming. Yes, that's a normal part of a brother's pissing contest in the SPN world, but that doesn't make it right.
In what way did Dean make it impossible for Sam to come talk to him about his demon stuff? Uh...look back through the series, seems that's about all they talked about in some form or other for four years. Never, until Sam started sneaking off behind Dean's back and seeing Ruby, was there a point where Dean "blocked him" or refused to talk. Not until that trust was breached. Even then Dean flat out told him, look, you're keeping secrets from me and I don't like it. Tell me what's going on. And Sam wouldn't do it. So what the hell is Dean supposed to think if Sam won't come to him and is sneaking off with Ruby? He probably thinks he's not needed. Seems pretty damn rational to me, considering the open relationship they used to have. And yet Dean is to fault for this? I don't think so.
Sam is anything BUT a small, kicked puppy that needs constant looking after. Good god. I really wish the fandom would grow past this. You said "but they're guys." Yeah, they are. And yet fans still want Sam to be babied by his big brother and they're pissed when it doesn't happen. Huge difference between ages 22 and 26. LET THE GUY FREAKIN GROW UP. This was all HIS choice, just as the deal was Dean's. Dean is coping with the consequences of that. Is he seriously supposed to bail Sam out too, when all this is Sam's own choosing? Let Sam cope with his own consequences. That'll make him much stronger than it would Dean constantly coming to the rescue.
To the fandom in general: Let Sam be Sam and Dean be Dean and stopping wishing for things to "be like season one". Stop complaining that it's "all about Dean". Stop wanting "baby Sammy" back. Let the freaking series GROW.
That's all I'm saying.
But they're GUYS! Plus, and I know you're going to scream at me for
> saying this, but Dean hasn't handled Sam properly since deciding to sell
> his soul to bring Sam back. He had to know how Sam would react to that
> decision, that he would work tirelessly to try to keep him from going to
> hell. Once he went to hell, Dean had to know that Sam, wracked with
> guilt, would work tirelessly to bring him back. Once he came back
> (without Sam's help), Dean had to know that Sam would do whatever it
> took to make sure Dean didn't return to hell and would kill Lilith and
> prevent the Apocalypse no matter what. Upon learning that Sam was
> pulling demons from hosts with his mind, what did Dean do? He hit Sam,
> twice, and told him he would want to hunt him if he didn't know him.
> Instead of trying to talk to him like a big brother, trying to see his
> side of it, trying to be understanding! Sam has HAD to keep all this a
> secret because he knows Dean acts violently first, then MAYBE asks
> questions later.
>
> I happen to feel that Dean started treating Sam like an outcast a long
> time ago, in body language if nothing else. He made it impossible for
> Sam to go to him and discuss anything with rationality where his demon
> blood was concerned, or, indeed anything relating to his "demon heritage."
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